| Sarah is made out of sugar, spice, everything nice and beer. |
[11 Feb 2003|04:45pm] |
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Valerie: “So Sarah, I was breaking this dude’s heart and I laughed so hard I shot milk outta my-”
BOOOOOM!
Sarah: “Oh my God! Val, your head exploded! Can I have your car?”
Aright, so Rob got his ass KICKED by 7 dudes. Something to do with cell phones. He’s in the hospital with a fucked up knee.
My damn near little sister Lianne visited from Seattle. She was here for a week but couldn’t get a hold of me so we righteously chilled in Santa Monica for the weekend probably next door to Christine but I wouldn’t know cuz I’m stupid.
My mother drug me to Arizona for a day on a private jet with her friend for get this, lunch. We went to Arizona for lunch. Ooooo.k, mum. Fun though. She made me go to keep her company. The plane ride was frightening cuz there was a chick flying the plane and we all KNOW how chicks fly planes. Pssssh. All girly like. When we touched ground in A-town we bounced back up 20 feet. Worst landing. Ever.
I got hauled in by the cops again. This time I recognized an investigator from Seattle. Has he been here the whole time or did they just bring him in? Makes me nervous cause they actually gave up money to fly him down here and he actually took time out from his job. Must be serious but despite their threats to investigate me deeply, they still think I have little to do with it. It’s like their asking Clyde if he’s heard anything about Bonnie’s crime spree.
Just another average 4 days in California.
Valerie is dead but for any other folks still with me, Tamika is delivering the laptop today, sorry for my delay.
I also owe Sarah and Lila an apology for my broken promises of ringing phones. My goodest friend Lianne was a spur of the moment thing, I’ll let you spank me. As soon as I find someone’s phone bill to run up, I’ll call you, I swear or I’ll get a phone card, re-hook the cell, whatever it takes. I don’t wanna see any more exploding heads.
Lila you sweet fucking woman I never had, send the token of your love to the address you sweet talked out of me. kiss kiss. Whatever dude you’re with better realize what he has.
Josh too. He better recognize the jewel of Sarah he’s stumbled upon or I’ll stab him in the face with a breadstick.
Mikey too. He better have a shrine of Carley in his room
and Nick. He better worship Crystal’s ability to be offensive towards fat girls and cool like icicles at the same time
and whatever 3 boys Val is dating at one time. They better KNOW they have what I can’t have
and whoever digs Ian like I do better keep him sexually satisfied
and Brock? I don’t know who’s swinging from Christine’s pubic hairs besides me of course but whoever it is betta do the things she…likes…I don’t know what she likes either but they better do it!
and Tamika if you’re reading this, you still have my laptop and that’s not groovy.
No matter what, just know that Christine can do it better than me.
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| Sarah Ducas Hore = Chris. Any other name like BurtonDuckbutter = Rob. |
[04 Feb 2003|05:49pm] |
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music |
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my twitching hand muscles wanting to strangle an ex-roommate |
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Fuck Robert and CM boy doesn’t make sense, moron. If you typed CB then I would be insulted.
In case you've accidentally read some of Rob’s thumbs down comments that aren’t even worth reading, let me clarify some things:
I don’t have 4 kids. I may have a son, but he has a family. I’m watching my cousin Jennifer’s kids while she goes to the LBCC. A boy and twin girls.
I’m not really doing Tamika. She has a key cuz she watches the kids from 4 to 9 for a shitload of money she shamelessly collects even though I hand it to her with a tear in my eye and dust flies from my empty wallet.
I love my cuz Jenny to death but the girl is just poor white trash. She gets herself in a rut and never gets out. It’s a shame cuz she’s so beautiful but that’s her flaw. All her life men have been her sugardaddy and ended up tossing her to the side. I agreed to watch her kids so she can finish school at Long Beach City and do something for herself.
Me and Jennifer are close and sometimes she can get clingy like a girlfriend. Rob and his wife Tamika can’t understand that so they think “Crazy white folks and their redneck incest tendencies.”
At one time in my life, me, Rob, his wife Tamika, and a Jewish girl named Brittany went to Magic Mountain. Rob and his wife Tamika really liked her. Brittany called once asking where I was cuz I never call. Later in the month Robert’s wife Tamika asked if I’d talked to her. I lied to her face by telling her I did so she would quit worrying about the girl. The reality is I haven’t spoken to Brittany since December.
This is my schedule right now:
Wake up at 7, take the kids to school.
Sleep more, go to school and stay till 2.
Pick the kids up, drop em off at the apartment.
Go allll the way back to school and stay till 8.
Go all the way back home, feed the kids. Throw em in bed.
Go allll the way back to school till 2.
Come home, pass out.
Wake up and do it again.
I have no cell phone. At what point do I take the time out to chat it up with Brittany?
I don’t even spend time with myself.
Today I looked in the mirror and said “Woa, Chris. Wow. It’s been awhile. You’re gettin taller.”
Yes, Kendra and I went in on a scam. Kendra is my friend from way back. She’s really smart. I wish I was sleeping with her cuz then I could soak in tid bits of her brain cell fluids. This scam is legal. kinda.
The government pays for the caretaker of Kendra’s aunt who is disabled but her aunt is only technically disabled. She doesn’t need help. I had to pretend once, over the phone that I take care of her aunt and now I receive a check for $260 every two weeks. I keep $100, Kendra keeps $100, her aunt gets $60. Kendra already does this for her cousin. With me now, Kendra gets $600 a month for filling out little time sheets every week. So, yea. That’s like, rent.
I use the money strictly for gas to take care of the kids and avoid cops so my stealing from taxpayers is halfway righteous.
Sorry Rob, I can’t find anywhere to include you and quit trying to hook me up with Ashley. When would I see her?
Right now: I’m so fafafafafucking tired I can’t keep my eyes open. I have the hiccups. It only adds to the pain. I’m bouncing a pen off the left side of my head creating a slow soothing drumbeat. I don’t wanna go back in there. I think I’m gonna cut the day short.
If you people want pictures, gimme some emails. My list was tragically lost in the Windows 94-98 upgrade. Don’t get too excited. They are merely old snowboarding pics from Seattle that were graciously emailed. They’re not the best in quality but at least you’ll get a chance to see just how fiiiiiiiine and dare I say it? even hotter than Ed Norton I am. I know. Bold statement but I only speak the truth.
Christine is odoriferous.
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